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You tell me... OK, fine, be that way! When I think of a description, I'll type it here. Or maybe here ---> x But probably not there | | | V |
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My IMood: | |
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wICQ Status: |
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Needed to Complete My |
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wFriday, December 27, 2002 | |
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i saw the big deal beverly hills pyscho doc this morning. incidentally, i've lived here my whole life, and i just conquered the south robertson/north robertson mystery today, sort of a trial by fire. and, i was only 15 minutes late for my $225 per 50 minute hour appointment. he put me on lexapro, 10 mg per day, but half a pill right now. he also gave me ativan, but said i can take 2 per day, but i don't have to. he also said i should give up caffeine. i said, what about sugar, can i have root beer and orange soda. i think he wants those phased out too. he was more like a real medical doctor than the other guy i used to see, so i'll listen. i said i can have 1 coke in the morning. so... December 27, 2002 2:15 p.m. Caffeine consummed: 4 ounces In n Out Grilled Cheese Sandwhiches consummed: 1 (and a medium sized Root Beer) Pills taken: 1/2 a Lexapro I suppose I was going to phase out caffeine anyways... check this out: According to the National Soft Drink Association, the following is the caffeine content in mgs per 12 oz can of soda: Red Bull - 80 (per 250 ml) Jolt - 71.2 Pepsi One - 55.5 Coca-Cola - 45.6 Sunkist orange - 40 Pepsi Cola - 37.2 Diet Pepsi - 35.4 Canada Dry Cola - 30.0 Canada Dry Diet Cola - 1.2 Sprite - 0 Mug Root Beer - 0 Minute Maid Orange - 0 A & W Root Beer - 0 So let's assume that Diet Coke (which sucks, btw) is the same as Regular stuff. And also, that Canada Dry Ginger Ale (nectar of the gods) also has no caffeine (hell, it says caffeine free). I was starting the think that Pepsi One wasn't such a great idea after reading this, now I have to listen to myself. One more thing: If you are taking LEXAPRO: posted by Jenny on 12/27/2002 02:23:00 PM |
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wSunday, December 22, 2002 | |
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navigating the mall parking lot... not what i'd reccomend on the saturday before xmas. first off, i'm going up the ramp, i'm turning right because it says right turn only... the guy opposite me wants to go left. he has a stop sing, he doesn't stop. good god mother fucker, just because you drive a bmw doesn't mean you don't have to follow the posted traffic signs. after about the 8th time i felt vindicated when i found a compact space that the civic i was driving could fit in to. ha, take that asshole! other than that, i was in and out of the mall post office in 20 minutes. there were only 2 tellers, but only 5 people ahead of me inline. it's my new unkept secret. i had so many good things to report from today too. here's one. i saw riding the escalator back down to the parking garage, and this girl from above says "that fat girl is wearing your sweater". so i look up, and there's a girl wearing my new sweater. not surprising since they sell 250,000 of the same thing every week at old navy... i really hate stupid people who talk about someone like they're not there. it's so fucking rude... then again, my sweater fits, and she was a size 6 trying to be a size 4, so ha again, bitch! also, i don't know why i didn't say this before, but i found out i got a c minus in my class. i don't think that counted my paper because it posted on the first day grades were posted, and i turned it in so late... so that's a c, and i get credit, but it's not a 2.0 for the quarter, and now i need a c plus to make sure i keep a 2.0 in my major. hopefully it'll work out. but, my sister told me that my mom said to her that i was so close to an a, she hopes i pulled one out. i don't know where she got that idea. also, my grandma is driving herself insane. (both literally and figuratively, because some moron at the dmv renewed her license, and also because she's doing her little co-depedence thing) more on that after she calls me 3 times tomorrow, it'd just be unnescessary repetitive motion injury actions if i did that now. posted by Jenny on 12/22/2002 02:21:00 AM |
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wWednesday, December 18, 2002 | |
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did you hear sideshow bob singing i've grown accustomed to his face last sunday on the simpsons? i knew it was from something i've seen. at first i went to south pacific, but i knew better. then i thought, maybe kiss me kate. i finally looked it up, it's from my fair lady. of course, this is not the meat of this entry. i suppose i talk about how lord of the rings was homoerotic (one word). i might eventually. ok, what about gandalf and that white horse? and sam saying "mr. frodo" like he's in some bad gay porn? and just the final scene in the woods, i couldn't have been the only person thinking "he wants to kiss him, he wants to kiss him!" the only person shouting "do it! kiss him!", yeah, that i probably was. to sort of connect those thoughts, someone recently told me that henry higgins putting marbles in eliza doolittle's mouth is kinky. really? ya think? i must have missed that scene, doesn't ring a bell. ok, so today i drove my ass all the way out the school, planning on being at the counseling center early to fill out paper work, but traffic disagreed. i was right on time by my cell phone time, but the clock on the wall had be 5 minutes late. then i fill out the paperwork, and wait, because it turns out the therapist was running a half hour late. 2 other people got there even later than me and went right in to their appointments. i suppose if this were a competition i shouldn't feel bad about being late, but i do. anyway, she told me that the new crappy school insurance (which i undesireably pay $170 per quarter for) only covers 8 counseling sessions as opposed to the 10 we used to get. also, because i see another therapost off-site, i'm not elligible for therapy or medicine support. both of which she agrees i need. she called all of the higher ups to see if any of them would say i could see my old pyschiatrist, but they said no. all of this took less than a half hour, so i got her back on schedule. now i have to find my own shrink offsite. also, because the insurance is the absolute cheapest and least inclusive they're allowed to offer, nothing offsite is covered. their medical center is 2-3 goddamn bungalows. if you fall and break something or need stitches, you know, something you'd go to a hospital for, you're not covered. if you kiel over in class with a ruptured appendix, not covered. but if you get a cold, you can get an appointment 3-4 weeks in the future to be told you had a cold in the past. i think the real travesty here is that we can't even purchase extra coverage. those of us who grew up with coomprehensive insurance know how important it is. well, ok, it's all a real travesty, that's just the worst part for me. i will now go out driving in windy and raining weather to report to my other therapist, and hope to god my ticking time bomb doesn't go off and i'm not rear ended or something. posted by Jenny on 12/18/2002 05:21:00 PM |
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Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Most. Homo. Erotic. Movie. Ever. posted by Jenny on 12/18/2002 02:51:00 PM |
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wSunday, December 15, 2002 | |
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hey, what happened to that last post? i KNEW i should have cut and pasted it as a back up before i published, grrr. to make up for it, i'm posting something from last year... here: 2001-12-10 - 12:53 a.m. so here's what's going on... i was supposed to finish that paper from like winter of last year by december 1st... did i do it, no am i going to, probably not if i was going to i would probably turn it in by friday, since that's the last day of finals... and my euro professor is hounding me to do the take home essay portion of the first exam, he hasn't graded my id's yet because i never did it i got a low b on he 2nd exam i'll probably swing a b on the final we'll see how that goes i'm totally failing african history though i woke up last tuesday and went "i couls drop that class" turns out the deadline was 5:00 monday, oh well then i went, well, i'll do those 2 late papers just to do them, even if i end up failing the class then a week later i decided i wasn't even fooling myself very well and i'd just retro drop the class... well, now i'm not doing either or the final paper and a feel guilty like i should be and for art, i never finished the major final project i was working on, fortunately i worked up a passable back up project last week and ran it over to the gallery right before the deadline i'm thinking i might finish the other project just cause it was cool and frankly mindless art is more appealing than anything else right now... i never did these 2 short papers in that class, i still have a shot to turn one of them in, but even if i didn't i'm reasonably sure that i'd pull a c if not a b on the basis of my work back to retro drops the dean called me like a long time ago asking for my documentation so i called my therapist twice and she never called me back and never sent me anything then last week my advisor called saying the dean says i haven't turn it in yet so anyway, that sucks and i probably won't get back in for next quarter, ok definitely, i'm getting an f, but i don't want to and here's the odd part, my parents are ok with that they actually invited me to move back home and even thought i hate my parents and can't get along with them, i'm excited about moving back home if i can get part time status i might commute for one tues/thurs class for a few quarters, because i'm that close to getting a degree, i'm not too sure about that though there is this one class being offered in winter that's supposed to be totally amazing that would have peaked my interest in any other quarter, but really not this one and besides, it's taught by the guy i owe the paper to so my parent's only condition is i get a job "even if it's at mcdonald's" fine by me... i can work part time at like kinko's, what they hell do i care even though my main ambition in life seems to be to lie on my parent's couch all day, maybe go upstairs and take a nap for variety, if i'm up for it... i plan to try and get away with that through mid-january, then i'll get a job, sounds fair, right? i deserve some kind of vacation... i've been telling this to the 2 main people i talk to online... they're like 15+ years older than i am, they both think i need to get away from my family and start supporting myself... easier to say when you've been doing that for 20 years, huh? just because i should doesn't mean i'm ready to... just because i know i should doesn't mean i'm going to... we'll see what happens next posted by Jenny on 12/15/2002 02:44:00 PM |
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wSaturday, December 14, 2002 | |
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well, i did turn that paper in yesterday morning. the professor said to turn it in by friday, but i think she meant last friday. i'd write more now, but i'm going to see star trek nemesis in about, 22 seconds... posted by Jenny on 12/14/2002 12:30:00 PM |
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wThursday, December 05, 2002 | |
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i was going to close this blog and start another one. i forgot to close some html, and this page got messed up. i thought i could fix it, but i ended up with a bunch of duplicate 11/20 entries all dated 11/30. then last night i didn't want to post cause to publish it, they'd all go to my site. (btw, i found out you can fix this by going in to safe mode, i'd just already messed it up). so i was going to start over so the entries wouldn't be out of order, and it wouldn't be like i was tampering with them, which i'm not. but this morning i decided that was ridiculous. i also had this notion that i was going ot be more truthful, more realistic, maybe just more real with myself. here is an email i just sent: Normally I wouldn't resort to email, but it is fast approaching 9:00 and this is a last resort of sorts. My name is Jenny, I'm in your ancient astronomy course. I didn't want to have to disclose this, but this is the first course I've taken since Spring 2001, when I left school near the end of the quarter because I was suffering from depression and anxiety attacks. What I was wondering was, is there any way possible to turn in the final late? I don't care if I get a lower grade for being late. I was up all night being incredibly unproductive, almost paralyzed with this nervous feeling in my chest and stomach. The one thing I've learned is, I would be remiss to drive over 2 1/2 hours round trip to either turn something in, or ask for this in person. I'm really sorry to send an email to be so blunt, but like I said, I couldn't think of anything else. I fully intend to finish by the end of finals, but I remembered you said you'd be out of town at the end of the quarter. Assuming I can turn the final in late, what is the best way, just leave it in your box? Thank You. i got this assignment on tuesday. i suppose i should have started right away. but since i had the gamecube i figured i could play that tuesday night and do this wednesday. then i ended up going to see this new movie adaption. it probably didn't help that the professor wrote on the assignment to treat it likea homework assignment, no big deal, blah blah. well, it was due today. if i get up now and take a shower, i can show up in class empty handed. also, i missed one day of class. it was probably the single most important day not to miss for this assignment, because she went over on the examples and put the diagrams on the board and stuff. also, the "text" is xeroxed into our reader. in order to fit the pages, they're 2 to a page, and so small it hurts to read them. plus it's an incomplete text, so there's no index. i tried finding the information i needed for a few minutes, but i gave up. eventually i decided to go to sleep at 12:30. i set the alarm for 7:30 thinking i could finish up some more diagrams/examples and write the explinations in before i turn it in. at 2:00 i hadn't fallen asleep yet. it started with this tightness in my chest, sort of just below my heart. by 3:00 it was bouncing back and forth between below my heart and above my stomach. for that hour i was thinking how stupid it was to play the sims this afternoon, and how i was more concerned that they get to work than i was starting this assignment. then i was thinking about how at 8:00 i signed on to aol, with my fingers half-crossed that the former pb (fpb?) was online so i could talk to him. then i was thinking about him for about 20 minutes, thinking about how, i have no desire to try and be his girlfriend again (believe me, i know better, amongst other reasons), but i still miss him. but i don't miss him like i miss being with him, i just miss being around him. then i started thinking how unfair it is for me to miss his human contact so much, because it's me placing a burden on him. then i thought about that's what i've been saying all along about his pyscho-ex, that when things go wrong in her life, she goes back to him, because it's safe and easy or something. that when she can't handle her problems, her fallback is that she's still in love with him. so then i realized how much easier it is to think about someone else than yourself at a time like that. that was when i decided to be more realistic. i put on to him like i'm pseudo-superior, when really, my room is like a junk heap. it hasn't been cleaned in close to a year, and no one but me can come in here, cause there's stuff on the floor piled so high you can't walk a staright path. ok, maybe superior wasn't the right word. i don't remember what my point was with that. ok, so at this point it was 3:00, almost exactly one hour since i'd last looked at the clock, so i turned over from my left side to my right. big mistake, the tightness was so much more pronounced. that was when i decided i'd email my professor in the morning. so when the alarm went off at 7:30 i hit snooze a few times... then i reset the alarm for 8:30, then i hit snooze 2 more times. (i've been out of bet for about 40 minutes now.) i fished out my syllabus, only to find no email address. the department number was there with an extension. i didn't fancy the idea of leaving a voice message, to say the least. i frantically searched the school and department sites, and found 2 email address. i'm hoping she checks one or both of those! right now i'm debating wether i should sleep now, because i'm working tonight, or wait, because i have to hide my car for when my mom comes home at lunch... but i hope she checks her email. posted by Jenny on 12/05/2002 09:28:00 AM |
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