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About This: | |
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You tell me... OK, fine, be that way! When I think of a description, I'll type it here. Or maybe here ---> x But probably not there | | | V |
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My IMood: | |
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wICQ Status: |
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Needed to Complete My |
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wSunday, September 29, 2002 | |
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work sucks, then you die. i was soooo sick on thursday, or course, i didn't know this until i was on the freeway heading towards school, grrr. so i pull in to the pay lot and get a space right away (easy now that they've doubled the parking rates), then i buy a parking ticket thingy, put it in my car, get my pad of paper and pen and run to that bathroom. (i have a parking permit too, the lot is just really far away). with that all taken care of i find out where my class is, it's not stoo far, so, i'm not THAT late. my sister was a shithead, she wanted me to being her her teddy bear and her check book and a hairbrush and a whole bag of stuff my mom packed for her... she'd only been there 2 days... last year i went home special to get her her stupid teddy bear when she forgot it then too. she left a me a voicemail while i was at work: >insert pathetic voice here< "hi, jenny, i forgot teddy, i think he fell behind my bed, can you find him for me..." >insert peppy voice here< "and, i forgot my brush, and can you tape the sopranos for me?" my mom says she has a car, why doesn't she go out and buy a brush. excellent point she makes... so anyway, i call her wednesday night and tell her i'm not coming out there early, and since she has a class getting out at 12:30 she can meet me outside my class and i'll give her a ride to her apartment. she says she's having lunch on campus with her friends... i tell her she can get her car when i take her home and take them off campus... she wanted me to wait until she was done eating lunch... yeah, right, that's a totally reasonable request. i was supposed to work on thursday and leave right from school (already wearing my uniform, blah) and drive right there, but that show was cancelled, so i suppose i COULD have waited, but, i mean, who would? anyway, i was waiting in line at the atm and she walked right by me, i started yelling out her name, she got out of class early and had already eaten, so i gave her a ride home. it's like there's twice as many people there this year, AND, why the fuck do sorority girls set up their stupid recruitment tables in walkways? and why do they cut you off, walk real slow in front of you 3 across so you can't get around them, and then stop by the table to hug each other and not move no matter how loud you yell out "excuse me!" 3 times? oh, and what's up with cell phones? there were so many rings walking across campus i just decided to walk and stare at my phone at the same time, cause, it's easier than getting it out every 2 seconds... the next day i still felt like crap, but i went to work, cause the show that i was supposed to work on on thursday was moved to friday, and i knew they were short, but i figured i could ask to leave early... before i left for work i had a real low fever (my theory on fevers is, it's all relative, on an average day my temp isn't 98.6, so i figure, a temp of 99.4 is a pretty decent fever for me), took advil which claims it's a fever reducer, but apparently really isn't... (i was convinced it was something i had for dinner at work on wednesday, but still being pretty sick today, i'm rethinking this theory...) oh well... i didn't ask to leave early, but the first 4 hours when i was outside (ok, 3 hours 45 minutes, i was late, but i didn't really care...) i sat down for most of the 2nd half of it... haven't really been able to keep food down much for a few days, but hey, my mom bought me "comfort" food at the market yesterday and today, so it's not sooo bad. last night i went out and got a blue vanilla slurpee, it didn't come back up, but if it did, woulda looked cool... oh, and betty white was the guest star on the show i worked on the other day, betty white is sooo cool. posted by Jenny on 9/29/2002 09:56:00 PM |
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wFriday, September 27, 2002 | |
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went to san fran for about 36 hours last week, took some pictures... 
forgot to take my camera out of my bag before work, oops! 
yes, i know it's a good picture, now i'll pat myself on the back ;) 
denny's in japan town, my sister took it, this amused her greatly... 
san francisco picture to be named later... posted by Jenny on 9/27/2002 10:19:00 AM |
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wMonday, September 23, 2002 | |
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so far today i've been watching the back log of trading spaces episodes in my tivo. other than that i've been drinking from a big bottle of water and then going to the bathroom and then drinking more water. if it weren't for the bathroom runs i'd probably be really bored... i was supposed to work 4 days this week, but the show i was on on thursday cancelled. i'm sure on thursday my poor, aching feet will be thankful, but by friday, it won't matter. i'll save some money on excedrin, though. it's my new best friend... posted by Jenny on 9/23/2002 03:25:00 PM |
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wTuesday, September 17, 2002 | |
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ok, so i finally called aol beta tech support, and they guy told me to try a bunch of stuff, then he said, uninstall beta and get regular help... then i talked to a guy whose chat i couldn't read on my dad's computer, then i talked to this person on my sister's: Welcome ... Connecting to server. Please wait... Connected to server. An agent will be with you shortly Welcome to America Online's Live Help Area. A Customer Care Consultant will be with you shortly. AOLTechKSF has joined this session! AOLTechKSF: Hello. My name is Karen. I am happy to address any questions or concerns you may have. Before we begin, may I please have your first name? me: jenny AOLTechKSF: Nice to meet you! How may I help you, Jenny? :) me: about a month ago my buddylist stopped showing up and i couldn't get on the internet via aol, plus i can't run anything lan through my connection... me: the first tech person i spoke to said i should reinstall 6.0 and call beta support, so i did that, and they said i needed to uninstall 8.0, which i did, but 6.0 still doesn't work. me: and the beta support guy said i need to get my gold master version working. AOLTechKSF: I am sorry but I am not sure from what version of AOL are you having problem with. AOLTechKSF: Can you please tell me what's happening on your PC now? me: i've uninstalled 8.0 and i'm using a version of 6.0 that i've just installed. me: i'm not using my computer right now though, because i need the web to get to the help page. AOLTechKSF: So what do you want us to do with your computer, Jenny? me: i don't know, i had it checked out and they told me it was a problem with the aol software... me: any suggestions? AOLTechKSF: I suggest that you try to install AOL 7.0 at the moment on that PC. It will be best too if you will uninstall all version and reinstall a new one. AOLTechKSF: That way no old copy can corrupt your new installation. AOLTechKSF: That's all :) me: ok, thanks i guess i'll try that when i get back from san fran... oh, by the way, i'm going to san fran tomorrow for 1 night ;) posted by Jenny on 9/17/2002 11:18:00 PM |
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wMonday, September 16, 2002 | |
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had a bit of a freak out fit on sept 11th, not because it was sept 11th, but because i had a final due on sept 12th. my parents were so supportive as they yelled at me while i cried. so because of that i started seeing a new therapist today. oh, and i've decided, when i write the tell all book about my family it's going to be called "good yontiff, now order me a blt". also, i got a new phone, it's a motorola posted by Jenny on 9/16/2002 11:23:00 PM |
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wTuesday, September 10, 2002 | |
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this is from august 21st. we were talking about being in a chat room together, in case that point in kind of lost... Me: now i didn't really diss you, did i? Him: well, you've seemed a little rough. i've been surprised by some things. Me: ok see, you have to tell me, or else i won't check myself later Him: maybe it was because i was teasing you a few times...maybe i should stop that. Me: you didn't bother me, if i bothered you, i'm sorry Me: am i a lot worse then other people? or are you a little more sensitive? i feel bad about it. Him: you can be kind of mean sometimes onscreen. Me: i'm sorry, i don't think, it's bad, i should work on it, i know. i need you to help me. Me: i guess i figure that i don't take it seriously so you don't, and i'll try to remember that you do. would it help you to know i don't mean any of it to be hurtful? Him: what's to work on? if you want to say something, say it, but don't expect me always to like it. a little teasing is fine...but sometimes you just go on and on. Me: i know that, i'm sorry, i did stop the licking thing, i knew it had goneto far, i should have stopped sooner. Him: i assumed it was that you were punishing me for saying a few suggestive things. Me: maybe, not intentionally Me: ::sigh:: i really just shouldn't play games when you're there Him: or maybe i shouldn't play games at all...i've gotten crap from other people tonigth too, but i guess maybe it felt sort of magnified because of this stuff. Me: no, you should, you like it more than i do Me: i'm sorry you had a bad night, i'm sorry i made it worse, i know that seems hollow, but i really do feel bad about it. Him: there was one time you typed something onscreen that looked more like an im...the thing about wanting to make good girls bad, or whatever...did you mean to put that in an im? Me: yeah Me: i didn't want to draw attention to it though, ya know? Him: you didn't want to draw attention to it, so you put it onscreen? Him: oh, sorry...i misread. Me: no, once i accidentally did it Him: well, if i start not responding to anything you say, you may take that as an indication you might be pushing it a bit too far...will that help? Me: i knew you weren't responding this time... but i wasn't going to im you can ask if you were ok... if you don't think you can just tell me to shut up i can try to not get carried away, i can't promise though. Him: well, i eventually did. Me: yeah, you did. i hope you didn't stew too long unnecessarily Him: i don't know...i guess i figured maybe i'd just let you blow off some steam...i figured you were feeling angry at me for some reason, and for a while i figured i could deal with it. Me: maybe i am, i don't try to take it out on you on purpose if i am. Me: i still feel bad about last night, i shouldn't have said anything to you about any of that. Him: god, xxx is so dumb. Me: i know, she's a lot like xxxxx Him: about people telling you how arrogant and dirty-minded i am? Me: i shouldn't have said a lot of things i said last night, i was doing exactly what i don't like people doing to me. Him: well, taht wasn't so bad. i guess there werent' any surprises in there. Me: well, maybe it wasn't so bad for you, i don't have to get in to it though, i shouldn't, anyways Me: kinda wishing right now i really had gotten bored enough to sign off? Him: no, it's all right. Me: you think i'm on my way to becoming a sore spot for you? Him: if you want to be, you could...do you want to be? Me: hmm... do we get to have a discussion like this more often? Him: do we want to? Me: ::sigh:: i don't want to do things that'll upset you, no. but if i DO, then maybe we should. Him: well, basically, when you start pouncing on everything i say, and i stop responding to much of it, you can assume i'm starting to get upset, and if you want to, you can stop. Me: and it wouldn't help you at all to know i'm an asshole and you should ignore me? Him: is this similar to the food...i shouldn't care about what food tastes like, and i shouldn't care what's said about me? Me: why is this me telling you what to do? Me: look, there is something really wrong with the way i'm wired, i just say things and i don't think and they don't mean anything. i don't want or try to do that, but it still happens sometimes. Him: it just seems like you place a pretty high priority on not caring about things, or something. Me: i guess i do... if i cared more i'd get let down more. don't you have defense mechanisms too? Him: i guess sometimes i've told you that what some people say isn't worth caring about, either...i guess it surprises me that you would detach yourself from what you say and tell me that i shouldn't care about it, though. Me: sometimes i'm afraid that you'll react badly. Him: even as you say it? Me: that's because i just say things as i think them and you think things out before you say them. Him: well, do you see how there's sort of a gap between you just blurting things out without thinking about whether they'll hurt my feelings or not, and you telling me i shouldn't care about what you say? it becomes a way of evading responsibility for what you say. Me: ok, that's true, but i know i just said it cause i can read the im. Me: so if i really really try to stop doing that, the times when i take something back, would it mean more to you? Him: i don't really know quite where a little funny, harmless teasing turns into something that looks mean, i guess...i just start to feel it. Me: i understand that, in a way Me: maybe sometimes in the past i would say something like that to you instead of saying something like "you know, it really hurts me when____" or something more personal like that. Him: mostly it just makes me not want to say anything back at all. Me: ::sigh:: sometimes when you used to shut down it felt really bad, because i never really knew if it was something i said, and it probably was... but if you didn't tell me, it felt worse, maybe because i made it worse in my head. Me: sometimes i think maybe you might react strongly to some things in order to keep me from doing it again (and thus make you uncomfortable), so that would leave me guessing too. but that's not an excuse, i know that. Him: i'm not naturally very communicative, and sometimes it's easiest just to slip out of communication if things are getting confusing. Me: i'm starting to think no one can stand me even at my mildest. Me: i don't mean to confuse you, part of it is i can't bring myself to put myself out there by saying a lot of things, so i run you around in circles. Him: nah...that's nto true. it just surprises me when you get a little carried away. Me: imagine if i got really carried away. Him: what would that mean? Me: i dunno. Me: i really don't have that one person who's shoulder i can cry on and stuff, ya know? and i want that, i just don't know how to ask. Him: well, you just need to try not to drive people away, and you're smart enough that you don't need to do it. Me: to a certain extent shouldn't there be a person who likes me mostly how i am? Him: everyone has to moderate their behavior a little...nobody goes around doing evreything that pops into their head without messing up relationships. Me: i do try to as hard as i can, i guess i just fail most of the time. Him: you know, i wasn't all THAT mad about this thing. i got a little annoyed. youre making it a lot bigger than it is, to tell you the truth. Me: when i make people feel bad i feel worse. Me: you know, i shouldn't tell you this, but i actually was crying until you said i push people away, that sobered me up, and that was something i already knew about myself. Him: well, actually you're pretty good about apologizing, which is the main thing you need to be good at in that situation. Him: i think you just get into teasing a little more, and do it a little mroe roughly, than most people. try to get a handle on that, and i think there will be fewer problems, in various areas. Me: so, hypothetically, would you rather someone modify their behavior as much as they can around you? or do you appreciate even a little when someone is able to show the less attractive aspects of their personality and not try to be fake? Me: and, got any advice on not pushing people away? Him: i think that's an unfair dichotomy. expecting me to accept your every impulse, whether it hurts my feelings or not, is unfair. Me: i didn't say me, and i wasn't just talking about this. Him: no, not really...i do a lot of it myself. Him: well, i still think it's a false dichotomy. Me: ok. Me: think it's magnafied online? Him: no...i don't think so...but i'm not really sure what you mean. Me: i don't know what i mean. Him: i don't expect people to try to act exactly the way i like when they're around me, but i guess i expect them to TRY not to be directly hurtul or obnoxious. Me: sometimes i feel like that's a huge stepping stone. because once you've met a person and developed "real" feelings for them whether they be friendly or otherwise, it becomes easier to be hurt by them. Him: well, that's true. Me: i feel right now like i could still be your friend even if we didn't talk every day online. Me: it might even be better that way. Him: i think that's true, but i don't think we need to try to plan out how often we're goig to talk or anything. Me: well no. Me: i was saying i could be here less. Him: what for? other than that you get bored here? Me: ::sigh:: it's silly, but i get jealous, sometimes i get hurt, and then i get down on myself for letting myself feel that. Me: it's as bad anymore, but still. Me: it's not as bad, that is Him: well, maybe i shouldn't flirt when you're around. i know it's meaningless, but it would be hypocritical of me to tell you how YOU should feel when i've just been saying you can't tell me how to feel about everything. Me: but you should be able to... i probably shouldn't come around if it's going to bother me. Me: and it's not like you haven't always done it, ya know? Me: in a perfect world everyone could do what they should be able to do, i guess. Him: yeah...it's just kind of a style. Him: i think it's too late to be making big decisions. we should both probably get some sleep. Me: i did used to haaaate it though when you did it when i was there, but even now that seems silly that i did. Me: ok, and you said you were going to get up early. Him: yep...not AS early now, but a little bit, anyway. Me: sorry about that too, it's not worth waking up late over ;) Him: get some sleep...it really wasn't all THAT big a deal. everything will be fine. Him: see you tomorow! Me: ok, i'll try posted by Jenny on 9/10/2002 12:27:00 PM |
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this dates back to august 12th, just took me awhile to scan it from my notebook and then send it to a computer from which i can upload. 
the class notes from the next day are free of charge ;) posted by Jenny on 9/10/2002 10:59:00 AM |
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wThursday, September 05, 2002 | |
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from exactly 1 year ago today: 2001-09-05 - 12:37 p.m. ok, so yesterday i went outside to water my flowers (side note: everytime i go to school they don't get watered and then when i come how they look shitty) and i see this line of ants heading towards the house... so i walk over tot he front door, and there are ants going up the door frame, and across the bottom of the door towards the trashcan (why the trash has to be right next tot he front door always baffled me) it sort of looked like they might be running under the doormat, so i picked it up, and there were so many ants it looked like a doormat i called to my mom, and she was like "there can't be that many" then i called my sister over and she was like "oh my god, yes there can be that many" oh yeah, there were these like little green worms that the ants seemed to be eating alive, there was at least 20 of them not 3 inches from the front door, and my mom says "don't worry, they're just maggots, they're probably in the trashcan too" now i don't have ocd or anything, but who wants to live like that? ants and maggots greeting you at the front door... oh yeah, and like 4 days ago i was going to take a bath in my parents big huge tub, and there were like 9-10 bugs running around in it... they looked like silverfish, from far away, but they had wings when i got closer... i called my sister to look at them cause i KNEW my mom wouldn't believe me when she got home, my sister thought they were flying ants, but it turns out they were termites i knew we had termite droppings in the garage, under the overhang by the front door and in our living room, but this is the the opposite corner of the house, and upstairs too ok, so back to the ants... my dad went and handed me a nearly empty can of ant spray, and i was following the line of ants backwards, and when i got to the post that holds up the trellace (ok, i can't spell that) it was totally covered in ants. i commented that we had enough ants to move the house (well ok, not the house, but probably the post) and my mom said in her most sarcastic voice "i don't think so" just get off of your fat ass and come look for 5 seconds! anyway, my dad went to the market and got ant spray, and when he comes home my mom was all "i had a coupon upstairs, we could have saved 20 cents" so what! the ants were taking over! posted by Jenny on 9/05/2002 04:05:00 PM |
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